The past 5 days have been quite the roller coaster.....my emotions have been twisted and contorted every which way...and currently, I don't know which way is up and which way is down.
My stomach is constantly in knots...I can't eat...I can't focus. At this point, I've almost run out of tears...and as I was driving in my car Saturday night (going to a friend's birthday party) I realized what I was becoming....a zombie.
I'm not necessarily an "emotional mess" because that would require actual emotion! I just stare blankly ahead of me and try to think of absolutely nothing....because the moment I begin thinking, it all immediately floods in and I can't control it.
I'm just going through the motions.....alarm goes off...get up...take a shower, get ready...drive to work...get coffee...log onto computer...give my best "fake smile" to people walking past, sit here at desk.....staring....staring....no emotion. My face feels like stone...something calloused and stern...but, I don't care, because at least this way, I don't feel the sadness and emptiness that goes along with "feeling".....this is much easier.
I guess I could sum it up for some of you out there in one sentence...
Just call me Bella, because my Edward has gone and I don't know when I'll get him back...if I'll get him back.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Random picture post...
Some of these are from my Cabo trip...and some are from last weekend...it's just fun to share pictures... :)
Me and Trace on the plane going to Cabo...
Got our tickets...BRING ON THE BEACH!
Yep...me dancing on tables.....again....
We now consider ourselves tennis pros...
Watch out Wimbledon...
Sometimes, I think I'm cooler than I really am...
YOU'RE ON THE BEACH...GET OFF YOUR PHONE!!!!
My lovely Tracey!
Suck it in, girl....suck it in!
Fun times...
Mmm...I miss those yummy, fruity drinks...
Erin looks like a model...
This dude just decided to jump in our picture...(can you blame him? haha)
Mike is swinging away...
The boys at baseball practice...(Mike is on far left)
Incubus concert - August 22, 2009
Still laughing...
Sitting on the lawn at Starplex...uh, Smirnoff...umm..I mean Superpages Center...(geez, they change the name of this venue every year!)
Mark & Trace
Always self portraits...
Just chillin'
Rock on Incubus!
Love those lips...
Group at Jake's Burgers after the concert...
We all had a great time at the concert...good music, good friends, good times.
Me and Trace on the plane going to Cabo...
Got our tickets...BRING ON THE BEACH!
Yep...me dancing on tables.....again....
We now consider ourselves tennis pros...
Watch out Wimbledon...
Sometimes, I think I'm cooler than I really am...
YOU'RE ON THE BEACH...GET OFF YOUR PHONE!!!!
My lovely Tracey!
Suck it in, girl....suck it in!
Fun times...
Mmm...I miss those yummy, fruity drinks...
Erin looks like a model...
This dude just decided to jump in our picture...(can you blame him? haha)
Mike is swinging away...
The boys at baseball practice...(Mike is on far left)
Incubus concert - August 22, 2009
Still laughing...
Sitting on the lawn at Starplex...uh, Smirnoff...umm..I mean Superpages Center...(geez, they change the name of this venue every year!)
Mark & Trace
Always self portraits...
Just chillin'
Rock on Incubus!
Love those lips...
Group at Jake's Burgers after the concert...
We all had a great time at the concert...good music, good friends, good times.
Finding clarity....Finding peace
Even in our lowest, saddest and most confusing of times....if we look to God and sincerely pray...He listens...and He answers.
I have been crying out to Him a LOT in the past few days. At first, my prayers were a jumbled mess of selfish wants and desires..(this is what I want, please make this happen, why is this happening to me..etc.) And, then...when I calmed down, took in a deep breath and cleared my mind...I truly started praying.
I prayed for clarity, understanding, peace...and the ability to follow where He is leading me. I prayed for what may or may not happen in the relationship...I prayed for things to work out in my sweetie's life and that he finds peace and clarity in his situation. (of course, I was still a balling mess....but, at least my prayers made more sense..haha)
Last night, we had an amazing talk that really brought understanding to the situation. And, we are both praying fervently at this time. Neither one of us knows what the future brings...we believe in God's will, and will trust in the path that He leads us on. Of course, we both have our "hope" as to where it will lead...but, we will both do our best to let God guide us and just take it one day at a time...
I have been crying out to Him a LOT in the past few days. At first, my prayers were a jumbled mess of selfish wants and desires..(this is what I want, please make this happen, why is this happening to me..etc.) And, then...when I calmed down, took in a deep breath and cleared my mind...I truly started praying.
I prayed for clarity, understanding, peace...and the ability to follow where He is leading me. I prayed for what may or may not happen in the relationship...I prayed for things to work out in my sweetie's life and that he finds peace and clarity in his situation. (of course, I was still a balling mess....but, at least my prayers made more sense..haha)
Last night, we had an amazing talk that really brought understanding to the situation. And, we are both praying fervently at this time. Neither one of us knows what the future brings...we believe in God's will, and will trust in the path that He leads us on. Of course, we both have our "hope" as to where it will lead...but, we will both do our best to let God guide us and just take it one day at a time...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
But.....why???
First, my purse is stolen.......
now.........my heart.......ripped right out of my chest.....
Wish I could make it stop hurting.......
Wish I could stop crying.....
Why?
Just......why?
now.........my heart.......ripped right out of my chest.....
Wish I could make it stop hurting.......
Wish I could stop crying.....
Why?
Just......why?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Violated...
I'll tell the full story later, but just wanted to fill you (my dear bloggy friends) in on what happened to me this past weekend and why I haven't posted...
My purse was stolen...and everything...I mean EVERYTHING was in there.
Thieves make me sick...
My purse was stolen...and everything...I mean EVERYTHING was in there.
Thieves make me sick...
Friday, August 21, 2009
Bomp, Bomp....chick....chick-a-chick-ahhhhhh
So, after work today, I kick off my weekend with one of my favorite things in the world.....
WATCHING MY DALLAS COWBOYS PLAY BALL!!!!!!!!
A friend and I are going to sit out on a patio, watch the game, have a couple "cold ones" and CHEER, CHEER, CHEER!!! Then, around 9 or 10 tonight...my sweetheart will be getting back into town and join us!!!
Saturday, I thought it might be nice for Mike and I to hop on over to the Dallas Museum of Art and enrich our minds...
....and you never know....after we leave the museum, THIS may happen!
(ahhh....only in my dreams....only in my dreams....)
Then, Saturday night, we are going to the Incubus concert!
Sunday morning, Mike and I are going to church together and afterwards, the church has this HUGE event called "Family Fun Fest"...
They will have a rock-climbing wall, bounce houses, live music, water slides, video karaoke and MORE! Should be lots and lots of fun!
After that, I'm not sure what we will do....maybe lunch with the parents...watch a movie...The sky's the limit!
I'll try to take lots of pictures this weekend!!! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!
WATCHING MY DALLAS COWBOYS PLAY BALL!!!!!!!!
A friend and I are going to sit out on a patio, watch the game, have a couple "cold ones" and CHEER, CHEER, CHEER!!! Then, around 9 or 10 tonight...my sweetheart will be getting back into town and join us!!!
Saturday, I thought it might be nice for Mike and I to hop on over to the Dallas Museum of Art and enrich our minds...
....and you never know....after we leave the museum, THIS may happen!
(ahhh....only in my dreams....only in my dreams....)
Then, Saturday night, we are going to the Incubus concert!
Sunday morning, Mike and I are going to church together and afterwards, the church has this HUGE event called "Family Fun Fest"...
They will have a rock-climbing wall, bounce houses, live music, water slides, video karaoke and MORE! Should be lots and lots of fun!
After that, I'm not sure what we will do....maybe lunch with the parents...watch a movie...The sky's the limit!
I'll try to take lots of pictures this weekend!!! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Sometimes, I thank God.....for unanswered prayers...
(all my Garth Brooks' gals are out there swaying and singing right now, huh?)
Seriously, though...I was listening to the radio a few days ago and I actually listened to the words of that song. I have been singing along with that song for YEARS and never really, truly listened.
It's so unbelievably true! Many of my prayers over the years would go "unanswered".....or, so I thought.....What I didn't realize is that God WAS answering these prayers by NOT granting me what I thought I wanted or needed. He and only He knows what is in my best interest....and the amazing path that He has planned out for me.
My prayers, however, changed about a year ago. Instead of praying for God to "hurry up already" and bring me a man, etc....My prayers were focused on listening to His direction, His guidance, and following His lead. I would ask him night after night to allow me to be open to whatever He had in store for me and accept it with loving thankfulness and appreciation. I prayed for patience, understanding and peace within my heart and mind.
........He answered these prayers fully.........
and has blessed me with this......
Thank you, Lord...for your "selective" hearing....
Seriously, though...I was listening to the radio a few days ago and I actually listened to the words of that song. I have been singing along with that song for YEARS and never really, truly listened.
It's so unbelievably true! Many of my prayers over the years would go "unanswered".....or, so I thought.....What I didn't realize is that God WAS answering these prayers by NOT granting me what I thought I wanted or needed. He and only He knows what is in my best interest....and the amazing path that He has planned out for me.
My prayers, however, changed about a year ago. Instead of praying for God to "hurry up already" and bring me a man, etc....My prayers were focused on listening to His direction, His guidance, and following His lead. I would ask him night after night to allow me to be open to whatever He had in store for me and accept it with loving thankfulness and appreciation. I prayed for patience, understanding and peace within my heart and mind.
........He answered these prayers fully.........
and has blessed me with this......
Thank you, Lord...for your "selective" hearing....
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Remember to breathe......
{pant} {gasp}
Hurry, November....GET HERE ALREADY!!!!
The Twilight Saga: New Moon 'Meet Jacob Black' Preview in HD
Hurry, November....GET HERE ALREADY!!!!
The Twilight Saga: New Moon 'Meet Jacob Black' Preview in HD
Monday, August 17, 2009
Updates...
Well, it's been almost a week...let's see...what's been happening with me?? (I'm sort of boring lately....)
This past weekend was nice....Thursday, Mike had baseball practice again and I cheered him on. We went over to his parents house afterwards and watched the Cowboys play their first pre-season game (a bit disappointing, but I still love my boys!)
Friday, I had a KILLER migraine and ended up staying home writhing in pain all day in my bed....no fun....and, then that night (once I was better) went to Mike's parents and we had a cookout. All the kids swam, we ate burgers, shrimp, sausage, cobbler...and visited...it was a really fun time.
Saturday, I slept in until about 11 and then dragged myself to the couch...haha. That evening, I went to my friend's baby shower.
Sunday was church (awesome message!) and then met Mike and the gang up at Northpark to do some shopping! I'm ALWAYS in for some shopping! Then, headed to my parents for a bit, then back home....
Wow...I am REALLY boring today for some reason....what is WRONG with me?! Must be a Monday thing.....sorry for my lack of zest and frivolity....
Maybe tomorrow will be better.......we can hope.....
This past weekend was nice....Thursday, Mike had baseball practice again and I cheered him on. We went over to his parents house afterwards and watched the Cowboys play their first pre-season game (a bit disappointing, but I still love my boys!)
Friday, I had a KILLER migraine and ended up staying home writhing in pain all day in my bed....no fun....and, then that night (once I was better) went to Mike's parents and we had a cookout. All the kids swam, we ate burgers, shrimp, sausage, cobbler...and visited...it was a really fun time.
Saturday, I slept in until about 11 and then dragged myself to the couch...haha. That evening, I went to my friend's baby shower.
Sunday was church (awesome message!) and then met Mike and the gang up at Northpark to do some shopping! I'm ALWAYS in for some shopping! Then, headed to my parents for a bit, then back home....
Wow...I am REALLY boring today for some reason....what is WRONG with me?! Must be a Monday thing.....sorry for my lack of zest and frivolity....
Maybe tomorrow will be better.......we can hope.....
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Take me out to the ballgame.....
So...yesterday evening, I watched my sweetheart play baseball for the first time.
{hubba hubba} {pant} {slobber}
Ok...haha...I think I got all of that out of my system....
Ahh...baseball....America's pasttime...
He began playing on an amateur league and last night was his first practice. Now, I must tell you that he played college ball (as a pitcher) and was AMAZING!! He was being recruited by top major league teams and was wowing every single one of them! But, unfortunately...he had some problems with his elbow and ended up having 3 surgeries that pretty much put an end to his baseball career.
So, last night...I got a chance to meet one of his best friends from college that will be playing on this team with him. And, I got to hang out with some of the other players' girlfriends/wives. It was a BLAST! (all of the girls were already coming up with our own little cheers and t-shirt designs...haha)
They are practicing hitting......Mike goes up to bat..........
{SMACK} {WHOOSH} .....everyone's eyes follow the ball up and over the fence...
{BOOM!!}
{SCREEEEEEEECH}
Everyone freezes at the sound of the ball smashing into an unsuspecting car driving down the road and then slamming on their brakes (probably freaking out, poor thing)..
We all sort of look at each other....there are wide eyes, gaping mouths and smirks all around.
And, I look over at Mike and see him giggling in a "I'm a 5 year-old kid and may be in trouble" kind of way....Fortunately (for us), there is no liability on our part, and that poor driver just happened to be in the "wrong place at the wrong time". (sorry dude...really..that does stink...........tehehehe)
{hubba hubba} {pant} {slobber}
Ok...haha...I think I got all of that out of my system....
Ahh...baseball....America's pasttime...
He began playing on an amateur league and last night was his first practice. Now, I must tell you that he played college ball (as a pitcher) and was AMAZING!! He was being recruited by top major league teams and was wowing every single one of them! But, unfortunately...he had some problems with his elbow and ended up having 3 surgeries that pretty much put an end to his baseball career.
So, last night...I got a chance to meet one of his best friends from college that will be playing on this team with him. And, I got to hang out with some of the other players' girlfriends/wives. It was a BLAST! (all of the girls were already coming up with our own little cheers and t-shirt designs...haha)
They are practicing hitting......Mike goes up to bat..........
{SMACK} {WHOOSH} .....everyone's eyes follow the ball up and over the fence...
{BOOM!!}
{SCREEEEEEEECH}
Everyone freezes at the sound of the ball smashing into an unsuspecting car driving down the road and then slamming on their brakes (probably freaking out, poor thing)..
We all sort of look at each other....there are wide eyes, gaping mouths and smirks all around.
And, I look over at Mike and see him giggling in a "I'm a 5 year-old kid and may be in trouble" kind of way....Fortunately (for us), there is no liability on our part, and that poor driver just happened to be in the "wrong place at the wrong time". (sorry dude...really..that does stink...........tehehehe)
Monday, August 10, 2009
Ummm......Really??!!!
This is just a totally random story, but I had to share because it had me cracking up.....
I walked over to McDonald's this morning to pick up breakfast for some of the guys here in the office. I step up to the counter and begin giving the woman my order.
Me: Umm...let's see...I'll have an Egg McMuffin....umm...a Sausage Burrito....a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Bagel...and...umm...how about the Egg and Cheese Biscuit.
Cashier: {stunned look} This isn't ALL for you, is it?
Me: {mouth gaping open} Well, what in the world does it matter if it's all for me? What kind of a question is that?
Cashier: Well, that's a LOT of food! Just can't imagine ONE person eating ALL of THAT!
{silence.................}
Me: Actually, no...it's not all for me.....($@#!^&*&$%^$%!@##.....)
We exchange money, I get my food and walk away.....
I was CRACKING UP the whole way back to the office. I thought to myself...what if it WAS all for me? That woman would have made me feel like the biggest pig in the world! Micky-Dees needs to reconsider their "Humanity Training".....sheesh...LOL!
I walked over to McDonald's this morning to pick up breakfast for some of the guys here in the office. I step up to the counter and begin giving the woman my order.
Me: Umm...let's see...I'll have an Egg McMuffin....umm...a Sausage Burrito....a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Bagel...and...umm...how about the Egg and Cheese Biscuit.
Cashier: {stunned look} This isn't ALL for you, is it?
Me: {mouth gaping open} Well, what in the world does it matter if it's all for me? What kind of a question is that?
Cashier: Well, that's a LOT of food! Just can't imagine ONE person eating ALL of THAT!
{silence.................}
Me: Actually, no...it's not all for me.....($@#!^&*&$%^$%!@##.....)
We exchange money, I get my food and walk away.....
I was CRACKING UP the whole way back to the office. I thought to myself...what if it WAS all for me? That woman would have made me feel like the biggest pig in the world! Micky-Dees needs to reconsider their "Humanity Training".....sheesh...LOL!
Weekend Ramblings....
Good morning blogland...and Happy Monday! (no, I'm not one of those people that's annoyingly happy on Mondays...I just thought I would give it a shot...)
So, this past weekend was fun and exhausting.....
On Friday night, I went to dinner with my good friend Lise....we had sushi, then went to see G.I. Joe!!!
I didn't expect to be blown away by the movie, so therefore I wasn't disappointed. I was entertained and enjoyed myself. I think one of the most fun parts was the fact that there was a little boy...maybe 5 years old...that was sitting two seats down from me, and every time one of the "good guys" would blow away one of the "bad guys", he would scream, "GO G.I. JOE...YEEEEEAAA!" It was pretty darn cute....
(plus, the ending credits played "Boom Boom Pow"...so, that was an unexpected bonus)
Saturday, I went to a friend's surprise birthday party. It's been SOOO long since I've been to a surprise party, and I was excited!!! I got to see a lot of people that I haven't seen in forever, and have a great time reminiscing about "old times"...haha.
Sunday, my mom and I went to church and got PUMPED UP! The message was exactly what I needed to hear and really invigorated my heart and soul completely!
I went to my parents house afterwards and had lunch and hung out....My parents and I always have a good time when we hang out. There is always LOADS of laughter...a little aggravating and a house full of love.
So, this past weekend was fun and exhausting.....
On Friday night, I went to dinner with my good friend Lise....we had sushi, then went to see G.I. Joe!!!
I didn't expect to be blown away by the movie, so therefore I wasn't disappointed. I was entertained and enjoyed myself. I think one of the most fun parts was the fact that there was a little boy...maybe 5 years old...that was sitting two seats down from me, and every time one of the "good guys" would blow away one of the "bad guys", he would scream, "GO G.I. JOE...YEEEEEAAA!" It was pretty darn cute....
(plus, the ending credits played "Boom Boom Pow"...so, that was an unexpected bonus)
Saturday, I went to a friend's surprise birthday party. It's been SOOO long since I've been to a surprise party, and I was excited!!! I got to see a lot of people that I haven't seen in forever, and have a great time reminiscing about "old times"...haha.
Sunday, my mom and I went to church and got PUMPED UP! The message was exactly what I needed to hear and really invigorated my heart and soul completely!
I went to my parents house afterwards and had lunch and hung out....My parents and I always have a good time when we hang out. There is always LOADS of laughter...a little aggravating and a house full of love.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
TwiCon 2009
Well, I did it....I went to TwiCon 2009 here in my wonderful hometown of Dallas. It's pretty crazy, because the event took place in the hotel attached to my office building, so it was CRAZY convenient! I do have to say, though, that I was a little disappointed with the entire event. I know that it was the first year for this, but it just seemed like total chaos...and there really wasn't a lot to do. I felt that I definitely overpaid....but, I'm still glad I went....
TwiCon 2009 Program
Vendor Alley...(really not a lot at all...I wish there would have been LOTS more)
Lots of creative work out there...
Yep...wristbands and "diplomas" for the entire Cullen clan...
Hmm...anyone need a floating phantom??
The actual girl who posed for the Twilight book cover...
There were hundreds (if not thousands) of people waiting in line for the Cast Q&A Session....and NO...Rob (Edward) and Kristen (Bella) were NOT there...sheesh...
Alex Meraz was on the panel too (he is playing Paul in New Moon)
Aww...well, hey there Kellan...
Look at that cute little dimple...
hehe..Kellan...don't be shy about how you feel about me...silly...
I'm glad I can make you smile, Peter...
Wow..Kellan...I didn't know you felt that way about me....My boyfriend may not understand the power I have over you......now, now...don't cry...there are other girls out there for you...
(by the way...up close...Kellan. has. NOTHING. on. my. boyfriend!) I really mean that... :)
TwiCon 2009 Program
Vendor Alley...(really not a lot at all...I wish there would have been LOTS more)
Lots of creative work out there...
Yep...wristbands and "diplomas" for the entire Cullen clan...
Hmm...anyone need a floating phantom??
The actual girl who posed for the Twilight book cover...
There were hundreds (if not thousands) of people waiting in line for the Cast Q&A Session....and NO...Rob (Edward) and Kristen (Bella) were NOT there...sheesh...
Alex Meraz was on the panel too (he is playing Paul in New Moon)
Aww...well, hey there Kellan...
Look at that cute little dimple...
hehe..Kellan...don't be shy about how you feel about me...silly...
I'm glad I can make you smile, Peter...
Wow..Kellan...I didn't know you felt that way about me....My boyfriend may not understand the power I have over you......now, now...don't cry...there are other girls out there for you...
(by the way...up close...Kellan. has. NOTHING. on. my. boyfriend!) I really mean that... :)
Cabo "Boom Boom Pow" 2009....(Part Two)
Ok...so, I know it's taken me a week to post this, but this past week was CRAZY at work!!! It's going to calm down now, and I'll have a chance to post more often....
Since there are about a zillion pictures in this post, I'll just caption them instead of telling ALL of the stories...(cause believe me...there are DEFINITELY stories...hehehe)
Trace and me on our balcony first day in Cabo...
View #1 from our balcony...
View #2 from balcony...
At dinner in downtown
Dancing after dinner (there was a LOT of dancing on this trip....a LOT!)
First time at Cabo Wabo!!!
By the bar...
Ok...let me explain...they had these blue tequila popsicles...and..well..I had one....
Erin has no fear...(I, on the other hand, was squirming while taking the picture)
Chillin' on the beach...
Erin and me in the pool....with our yummy fruity drinks!
Hangin' by the pool
Downtown Cabo shopping day
Trace and me on the boat to Lover's Beach
Glass Bottom Boat girls!
Girls on Lover's Beach
El Squid Roe, BABY!!!
Dancing on the table...(don't judge, just accept)
Having a nice sushi dinner...(probably the reason I was on 3 different antibiotics after returning from the trip...sheesh..)
This guy made us this amazing coffee drink with LOTS of flames!
This drink was soooo strong...it took us about 30 minutes to finish!
Scary Cabo after dark!
Yep...you can get all of these and then hop right next door to pick up a bottle of tequila...my my...
Me and Trace at Cabo Wabo...
Yep...more dancing on stages....(they played some of my FAVES..."Baby Got Back" and "Boom Boom Pow")
Girls at Cabo Wabo
Last day in Cabo....
8 days seems like a long time at the beginning of your trip....but, then...all of a sudden...it was over...just like that! But, I was soooo ready to get home and sleep in my own bed!
Tracey and I were picked up by our guys and they greeted us at the airport with roses!!! It was SOOO sweet!
Overall...just an AMAZING trip with AMAZING girls!
Since there are about a zillion pictures in this post, I'll just caption them instead of telling ALL of the stories...(cause believe me...there are DEFINITELY stories...hehehe)
Trace and me on our balcony first day in Cabo...
View #1 from our balcony...
View #2 from balcony...
At dinner in downtown
Dancing after dinner (there was a LOT of dancing on this trip....a LOT!)
First time at Cabo Wabo!!!
By the bar...
Ok...let me explain...they had these blue tequila popsicles...and..well..I had one....
Erin has no fear...(I, on the other hand, was squirming while taking the picture)
Chillin' on the beach...
Erin and me in the pool....with our yummy fruity drinks!
Hangin' by the pool
Downtown Cabo shopping day
Trace and me on the boat to Lover's Beach
Glass Bottom Boat girls!
Girls on Lover's Beach
El Squid Roe, BABY!!!
Dancing on the table...(don't judge, just accept)
Having a nice sushi dinner...(probably the reason I was on 3 different antibiotics after returning from the trip...sheesh..)
This guy made us this amazing coffee drink with LOTS of flames!
This drink was soooo strong...it took us about 30 minutes to finish!
Scary Cabo after dark!
Yep...you can get all of these and then hop right next door to pick up a bottle of tequila...my my...
Me and Trace at Cabo Wabo...
Yep...more dancing on stages....(they played some of my FAVES..."Baby Got Back" and "Boom Boom Pow")
Girls at Cabo Wabo
Last day in Cabo....
8 days seems like a long time at the beginning of your trip....but, then...all of a sudden...it was over...just like that! But, I was soooo ready to get home and sleep in my own bed!
Tracey and I were picked up by our guys and they greeted us at the airport with roses!!! It was SOOO sweet!
Overall...just an AMAZING trip with AMAZING girls!
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