Monday, August 31, 2009

Overly dramatic??

The past 5 days have been quite the roller coaster.....my emotions have been twisted and contorted every which way...and currently, I don't know which way is up and which way is down.

My stomach is constantly in knots...I can't eat...I can't focus. At this point, I've almost run out of tears...and as I was driving in my car Saturday night (going to a friend's birthday party) I realized what I was becoming....a zombie.

I'm not necessarily an "emotional mess" because that would require actual emotion! I just stare blankly ahead of me and try to think of absolutely nothing....because the moment I begin thinking, it all immediately floods in and I can't control it.

I'm just going through the motions.....alarm goes off...get up...take a shower, get ready...drive to work...get coffee...log onto computer...give my best "fake smile" to people walking past, sit here at desk.....staring....staring....no emotion. My face feels like stone...something calloused and stern...but, I don't care, because at least this way, I don't feel the sadness and emptiness that goes along with "feeling".....this is much easier.

I guess I could sum it up for some of you out there in one sentence...

Just call me Bella, because my Edward has gone and I don't know when I'll get him back...if I'll get him back.

6 comments:

brooke said...

thinking about you lady!!!

Emily said...

Oh my heart just breaks for you! A few months after hubs and I started dating, we broke up (he decision) and I felt that. exact. same. way. That's probably why I bawled through most of New Moon.

Kelly said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry! I have been there before, and there are no words to describe how incredibly hard it is. I will be praying for you!

Summer @ B is for Brown said...

ugh. i hate to see you so sad. i mean, our name is SUMMER. i want you to feel like a million bucks. i want you to have sunshine and rainbows all around you. until then though, here is a hug. xo

Miss V said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this awful time. I'll be praying that you have peace as God works things out according to His plan.

Hang in there...

Kerree said...

I have felt the same way many many times. Believe me when I say it will pass sweetie. Just give it a little time and you'll realise he doesn't deserve you. You're a beautiful, sweet girl (and don't forget about that bikini worthy bod you've got there). You don't need someone who would hurt you so bad. Stay strong!