Friday, October 30, 2009

For my mom....

Several years ago, when I was just a kiddo, we got the news.

Now, this is not the "jump up and down-so excited-pee your pants" sort of news....nope, this was very real and hard for me to understand. My parents came to me...sat me down and told me....

Dad: "Summer...mom is sick. She has cancer."
Me: "Well...is she going to be ok?"
Dad: "Yes, she'll be fine."
Me: "Oh...well, ok then."

Even at the age of 12, I had absolute, unwavering faith in my parent's "force" (as I'll call it). This "force" that I speak of is something all of you know about. You know when you're a child, you think that your parents can DO anything, BE anything, HAVE anything...that they are ALL-Powerful and sort of rule the earth...Well, I still felt that my parents had this "force" at age 12. (I lived a sheltered life...haha)

So, when my dad told me that mom was going to be fine....I believed him. I truly don't remember worrying that much about it.

-Even when my mom had to have surgery (several times)...and my dad wouldn't leave her side at the hospital...and I stayed with my grandparents....It never entered my mind that anything bad could happen.

-Even when my mom had to have chemotherapy...and she was constantly sick...My parents reassured me..."Everything will be fine, Summer." -----I believed.

-Even when my mom had radiation therapy....and lost all of her hair....We made it a "fun shopping trip" to pick out wigs....Still didn't worry.

-Even when my dad threw my mom the BIGGEST Christmas party they've EVER had inviting ALL of her friends (because he thought it may be her last)......It didn't enter my mind.



It has been around 16 or 17 years since my mom has been in remission (Thank you God)

I remember when it hit me.....when I realized that my parents had sheltered me from the fear of losing her....when I realized that my mom was only breaths away from being forever out of my life. I remember feeling like I had been punched in the stomach, because of how carefree I had treated the situation. I remember feeling sharp pangs of guilt and deep feelings of remorse for not being worried or sad. I felt incredibly selfish and inconsiderate....

I couldn't understand why my parents had hidden how serious it was from me. I didn't know why I had been so ignorant and blind to the fact that she was slipping away right in front of my eyes....and I....I was completely unaware.

I felt like the worst daughter in the world.


Tomorrow morning, my parents and I are walking in a 5K called the Undy 5000 (hehe...LOVE the name). It benefits Colon Cancer Awareness, and is obviously very important to me. My mom, AKA The Most Amazing, Beautiful, Strong, Generous and Loving person, means more to me than I think she realizes...and I love her more every single day.

My mom is my best friend....my confidante...my shoulder to cry on...my inspiration...my role model....

She is everything to me....and I love her.

Love you mommily!

7 comments:

peanut said...

We knew it would be OK because we believed it....but you did worry about it because one day I found a paper you wrote in one of your classes and it was about me being sick.....I need to find that paper to remind you that you did know how serious it was but you just wanted to believe the best would happen. And it did......You are a sweet, loving daughter and we know how much you care about your family. And I had to stick around to turn that frown upside down...love you Scooter....

Kelly said...

Aw, this is such a precious post. I understand though about not realizing how serious some things are when you're younger. It sounds like you have an amazing mom! Hope the walk goes really well!

Lauren said...

Definitely NOT the worst daughter!! It sounds like you have pretty amazing parents. I lost my dad to cancer a few years ago and sometimes it still feels like I have been punched in the stomach. Congratulations on 17 years of remission! WooHoo! Walk strong!

Joye @ The Joyeful Journey said...

Wow! Your mom is amazing and so are you, Miss Summer! I'm sure she thinks you're pretty great, too : )

Heather @ Life Abundantly said...

What a beautiful, beautiful post. Your mom is so blessed to have you as her daughter! And I can tell by how fondly you always write about your parents what amazing people they must be.

Trac~ said...

Oh wow - glad your mom is okay and has been in remission for all of these years. No need for you to feel bad for being a bad daughter all those years ago - you had faith in what your parents told you about your mother being okay and there was no other way for you to act - you behaved according to what you were told by your parents. It's obvious how much you love your mom and dad and that you were a very GOOD and loving, loyal daughter. :o)

Molly said...

This is a gorgeous post. Shows how much you really care! You are a great daughter!